Yep, I called myself a dork in public yesterday. Why would I do such a thing? Because I am a dork!! I will call myself any name that I can when it makes me laugh at myself. So what are you calling yourself these days?
I am not a fan of name-calling. I cannot tell you how many times I have called others and myself “idiots” or “stupid” under my breath. Not cool. As I have lost patience while being ill, I have fallen into that nasty habit.
Time for me to clean up my mutterings, whether about others or myself.
Dork is not one of my usually mudslinging phrases that I spew. So yesterday when I heard myself say it, it made me laugh, at myself. I really am a dork and I am very okay with that.
For me, Dork is a step above the deep dark pain and loneliness that I have lived in for years while being ill. I am okay with elevating my self-worth from idiot/stupid up to Dork.
For now, I will enjoy being a Dork. I will enjoy my attempts at human interaction after years of deep dark isolation. Being a Dork is better than being isolated.
I already know that I do not navigate social situations well at all right now. The
On a physical level, I have too many organs fighting with me, I have too many infections causing flare-ups at the wrong moments, I do not have the physical energy to endure much, I have brain issues that lose track in conversation, my eyes cannot read anything put in front of me, my legs cannot walk around with others, my senses are overstimulated when I am in social situations. What a mess.
A “mess” feels very negative to me. It pulls me down. It does not allow me to see that I am worth so much more than my failures in social situations. But when I call myself a Dork, I smile. I even laugh at myself.
I do dorky things. I say dorky things. I think dorky things. Oh my, I am a Dork. And I am proud of it. Tomorrow I may be calling myself a goober and laughing at that.
Just be who you are! I know it is not always comfortable but chronic illness is a great time to discover more of who we truly are.
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
So, What Are You?
If you don’t like Dork, what word describes you and your current situation as you move through your healing journey?
Pick something that makes you smile. Hopefully, you can laugh at yourself. Life is complicated, it is messy, and it gets worse with illness and isolation. When we find ourselves laughing, it is not so heavy and impossible.
I am a DORK, willing to laugh at how dorky I am in my current situation. Nope, I am not always laughing, but when the moment arises, I will take advantage of it.
What makes you smile as you go through this?
Maribeth Baxter, MBNC
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